Long time (well sort of) lurker, first time poster with a question.
My husband and I have been married for 2 years and because of the military we live in different states so we see each other every 2 to 3 months and he recently came back from a 6 month deployment to Iraq. Our sex life has been non-existent since shortly after he moved to his new duty station; which was shortly after we got married. I have tried during the course of our relationship to find out why he does not want to have sex by asking him questions and reading an insanely large amount of books. He does however, have an overly-healthy relationship with internet porn and picture websites yet is unable to discuss sex with me.
During my most recent visit (I’ here right now) I decided that I can take no more and that I need an answer or a separation as I’m not willing to be ignored in the intimacy department. He finally told me that my weight gain over the course of our time apart due to his new duty station has affected his sexual attraction to me. When we met and when he left, I was 28 years of age, 5’3″, a size 10, 160 pounds and a 38G chest.
Now I am 30 years of age, 5’3″, size 14, 200 pounds and a 40H chest. After crying for two days I’m in more control of my emotions but concerned. I am willing to work on diet and increasing my physical activity to shed the pounds; the majority of my weight gain is from emotional eating because I thought my husband didn’t even care about me. Oh and I gave a gentle reminder that he should not expect me to look like some porno-supermodel because that was not my original shape.
I asked about him cheating and he told me that he has never sought out other sexual partners and when I asked him if he wanted to divorce me because of the weight gain, he said no and that he still loves me for who I am and divorcing me has never entered his mind.
So my question is this…
Is this situation to be expected with a wife’s weight gain? Would a husband’s sexual attraction drop so much due to a 40 pound increase in weight of his wife? A friend of mine (who is a guy) said that my husband should love me unconditionally and not care about the increased weight but I don’t know how I feel about that since obviously it matters quite a bit to my husband.
Additionally, I’m educated (I have a master’s degree), have a well paying job and we do not have kids. If you need more info, just asking I’m looking for your opinions…the good and the not so good. Thanks!